Church Hunting

Moving across the country has involved a lot of “news”: a new house, new neighborhood, new friends, new car (hopefully), new job. One of the first “new” things that we had to do was choose a church. As a former P.K., this was a rare occurrence. Besides a brief stint in college at church hunting, I have never had the job of picking out a church before. And in Dallas, this task isn’t easy. Churches are everywhere, and each one courts new members with brochures, candy, coffee mugs, and other free stuff. My sister and I are now settled in a nice one, but it took some work to find. This summer, we were able to check out quite a few of the establishments. Here is how I would describe some of the more memorable ones:

We have a lot of recycling to do!
We have a lot of recycling to do!

1. The tourist church. As we attended a Tuesday evening function, cars filled the parking lot and were parked on both sides of the street for a half mile. Food trucks packed with customers sat beside the huge facility, and security guards in sunglasses and vests watched us suspiciously. Every seat in the place was filled, and a stadium-like excitement infused the room. As soon as the service was over, huge swarms of bodies hurried to cars to avoid getting stuck in an after-church traffic jam.

2. The cootie church. The average age of a member of this church was about 25. People came in pairs, and a lot of rubbing, patting, and snuggling commenced. I got the feeling that if I stood in one place too long, I’d be married and then pregnant within six months.

3. The intellectual church. After a 50 minute sermon, people headed to classrooms to listen to another 60 minute lecture. The “school” in Sunday school was quite obvious. I left feeling like knowledge had descended upon me.

4. The Southern Gospel church. As the banjo and fiddle dueled with each other, I couldn’t help but smile. As “In the Sweet By and By” closed out the service, my dad let loose a rousing “Yeehaw!” My 13-year-old sister was completely scandalized.

In Dallas, the hard part isn’t finding a good church; it is deciding between all the good ones available. Each one on the list has been a very solid church, and it is fun to see the differences between them.


One thought on “Church Hunting

  1. Angela,
    This is hilarious!! I’ve been told that we pick our friends by their faults. If we can put up with those, we can always appreciate their good points. Maybe that’s the way we pick a church. But as a concerned grandma, maybe you should stay away from the cootie church!!

    Liked by 1 person

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